It's better than engraving

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. Isaiah 49:15-16  (NIV)

The funny thing about these verse is that you would think the answer to that question would be no. However, we've seen in this world that the answer can sometimes be yes. A mother does forget her nursing child. This show us how sad and cruel the world we live can be, but that's not really what these verse are about. There about God's thoughts and nature toward us. In the next line, God says He will not forgot us. It also talks about us being engraved on his palms. It's not the kind of engraving you would do on metal. It's not the kind of engraving we got done on the dog's tag. It's more of an imprint. Have you ever held something in your hands so tight that after you let it go you could see the imprint on your palm? That's how God holds us. Right now God has me held so tightly in His hands a little Michelle imprint is on His palms. The great thing about this, if you are His child, He is holding you so tightly your imprint is on His palm too. How wonderful that. I know that I only hold things tight enough to leave an imprint that matter to me. If God remembers better than a nursing mother her child, how tighter does God hold us. This is the greatest and safest place to be. Where else would you rather be.

It's funny as type this I have my phone playing through my worship songs on shuffle. The song that was just playing is Your Hands by JJ Heller. I think I'll leave with the words to that song.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking 
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking 
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

Blessed by Your name

One of my favorite songs is Blessed Be Your Name. When it was played through my klove app the other day this is what came to mind.

Blessed be Your name
When I get up in the morning

Blessed be Your name
When I have a good work out at the gym

Blessed be Your name
When the sun shines

Blessed be Your name
When life is wonderful

Blessed be Your name
When I get to spend the day on the couch with husband

Blessed be Your name
When my children are angels

Blessed be Your name
When my dog is wonderful

Blessed be Your name
When the day goes right

Blessed be Your name
When I am on the mountain top

Blessed be Your name
When I sing your praise

Blessed be Your name
When You answer my prayers my way

Blessed be Your name
When it storms

Blessed be Your name
When things go wrong

Blessed be Your name
When I fight with husband

Blessed be Your name
When my children act like demons

Blessed be Your name
When the dog goes in the house

Blessed be Your name
When I'm in the valley

Blessed be Your name
When husband goes to fight for freedom

Blessed be Your name
When he comes home

Blessed be Your name
When he goes to play his trumpet for a furneal

Blessed be Your name
When my father has cancer

Blessed be Your name
When he wins the battle against cancer

Blessed be Your name
When he loses the battle against cancer

Blessed be Your name
When my mother judges me

Blessed be Your name
When I'm not the person my mother thinks I should be

Blessed be Your name
When my co-workers are great people

Blessed be Your name
When my "Christian" co-workers attack me

Blessed be Your name
When I move across the country

Blessed be Your name
When I have to say good-bye to my friends

Blessed be Your name
When I say hello to new friends

Blessed be Your name
When the car works fine

Blessed be Your name
When the recall notice for the car comes

Blessed be Your name
After I wreck the car

Blessed be Your name
When I like the number on the scale

Blessed be Your name
When I don't like the number on the scale

Blessed be Your name
When I like the number on the bank account

Blessed be Your name
When the bank account number makes me cry

Blessed be Your name
When I open my Bible

Blessed be Your name
When I'm too busy to pen my Bible

Blessed be Your name
When things don't go right, but don't go wrong either

Blessed be Your name
When I'm scared to get out of the boat

Blessed be Your name
When I get out of the boat

Blessed be Your name
When I don't want to face the gaint

Blessed be Your name
When I face the gaint

Blessed be Your name
When I make the right choice

Blessed be Your name
When I make the wrong choice

Blessed be Your name
When You answer my prayers your way

Blessed be Your name
When You smile down on me

Blessed be Your name
When You can't look at me

Blessed be Your name
When I go and build houses

Blessed be Your name
When I can't go build houses

Blessed be Your name
When I go to church

Blessed be Your name
When I stay in bed and miss church

Blessed be Your name
When the week was longer than 7 days

Blessed be Your name
When the week was less than 7 days

Blessed be Your name
When life is too hard, and I can't go on

Blessed be Your name
When traffic sucks

Blessed be Your name
When all the lights are green

Blessed be Your name
When I'm running early

Blessed be Your name
When I'm running on-time

Blessed be Your name
When I'm running late

Blessed be Your name
When I cook dinner

Blessed be Your name
When I burn dinner

Blessed be Your name
When I pick up dinner thru a window

 Blessed be Your name
When I pray

Blessed be Your name
When I forget to pray

Blessed be Your name
When the snow falls

Blessed be Your name
When the leaves change

Blessed be Your name
When spring is here

Blessed be Your name
When the heat is too much

Blessed be Your name
When I paint

Blessed be Your name
When I dance

Blessed be Your name
When I sleep

Blessed be Your name
When I can't sleep

It is what you asked for.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Have you ever asked God for something? I have on several occasions. My first request came at 18 for two things. I asked for more faith than King David and the kind of wisdom that King Solomon had. If I would have know what it took to get these two things I don't know that I would ask for them again. However, I'm glad I did. 

So here am I, with more faith than I know what to do, and a fount of wisdom. This isn't enough, I want more. About 3 years ago I came across James 1:2-4 and I see those simple words: mature, and complete, not lacking anything. That's what I want. So I ask God to make me mature and complete, not lacking anything. The difference is this time, I know because of the first part of there verses, there will be trails. I know this is part of it. In fact, a couple of Sundays ago, my pastor made the comment, "If we have an alter call for tails, no one would come." My thought "No, I would go. I want a trail. Bring them one. I'm ready."

So James informs that the plans for his unit have changed. The one we thought was getting left behind, no longer is. Here it is, just what I asked for. James and I have been apart before. That year and halfish of dating, more of it was spent apart than together. He was TDY every other week our first year in Alaska, it seemed. This is different.

So what do I do? He did give me just what I asked for. I could throw a fit, get mad at God and inform this is not how I wanted things answered or I could let perseverance do its work. I know from the past getting mad doesn't do me any good. I will let this trail produce perseverance so that I can closer to mature and complete, not lacking anything. Besides, because He chose to answered me in this way, I know get to go on a mission trip, I didn't think I would go to. 

For those of you sitting in the middle of trail, I just want to encourage to let perseverance finish it's work.

He is more aware than you.

“Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” Esther 4:16

Esther was preparing to go before the king and ask to save the Jews. There was a good chance that she was going to die. It was not ok to just walk into the king's throne room and make a request. In fact, when Esther was preparing to do this; it had been 30 days since the last time she spent time with the king. Things were not looking good. The scale was leaning to the parish side. One starts to wonder was God aware of what He was asking of Esther. I can assure that God is more aware of what He is asking of Esther than she was aware.

You can apply this to your life. Whatever God is asking of you to do. Whatever step of faith God is asking you to take. He is more aware of what is required to complete the task than you are. There are things you should be worried and concerned about that aren't even on your radar. God sees them. He's lucky, He gets to see the whole picture. He knows what it will cost to take that step. On the other hand, He knows the glory He will receive once you've stepped out. He is aware of the growth and the stronger  your faith will be after you have stepped out. He knows the struggle you will face but He knows the reward.

So what are you struggling with? What is God asking you to do? He is trying to lead me down the path of writing and speaking His truth and love into women's lives, but I keep stumbling. I take steps and only to realize  what He is asking of me and then stepping back and stopping. Sometimes I sit and wonder if He really is aware of what He is asking for. I wonder if He is aware that He is asking someone who struggles with spelling and grammar to write. I wonder if He is aware that I use to turn as white as sheet when presenting in college to get up and speak. Oh but He knows the times when I have been faithful and how they have change lives. He knows who eyes who have come across my blog and the encouragement  it did. He also knows the impact my testimony had on those women that came to Regenerate Her that night. He is aware of it all. He also has yet to  decided I am not going to do what He has called me to do and take away the gifts. At times, I feel like I am wasting them because I am not using them.

What is God asking you to do? Starting or leaving a ministry. Moving and doing something you have never done. Going on a mission trip. Not sure God is aware of what He is asking. Leave the comfort zone is hard. Have you tried talking with Him about it. He'll tell you, "Dear one, I know the struggle, but I also knew the other side and the glory come." Trust Him.

Are you under grace or the law?

I couldn't attend a church that was showing Beth Moore simulcast because of other comments I had, so I spent the $20 and watched it on my through the digital pass later. Beth had spoken about on my favorite topics and one that has been speaking loudly in my life lately. Where do you live under grace or under the law? I would like to say that I live under grace, but I don't always. One of the things Beth did was give a 13 question quiz to see where you are living. They are statements and you answer true or false. Here goes.

1.) I tend to assume that the hardest option is probably the godliest. In other words, the obedient way is probably the harder of 2 ways.

2.) I rarely ask for forgiveness only once for any significant transgression even if I am truly repented the first time. (Including gossip/sharp words t someone/any demonstration of pride, etc.)

3.) I tend not to feel back in God's "good graces" right away after repentance.

4.) I catch myself wanting to pay penance after feeling like I've really messed up. (Penance defined here as "acts done to make u for sin.")

5.) I think God loves me, but in spite of me and not because of I'm lovable.

6.) Truth be told Jesus' parable about the workers who get paid equal wages regardless of how long or short a time they worked seems a bit disconceting.

7.) I deal with a fair amount of anxiety in my spiritual life.

8.) I struggle with considerable self-condemnation.

9.) I find it easier to tell others how much God loves them than I believe it for myself.

10.) I feel I must always bear up (continue to befriend) with the people who have wronged me over and over.

11.) I tend to feel guilty about some of the good things in my life.

12.) I know God loves me, but I think I often disappoint Him.

13.) Romans 14:17 says "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." However you would not know that from being around me.

Those that you answered true are the areas where you are under the law. I'll be honest I had a few trues when I took, and I still do now, however I'm working at changing my mindset in those areas. Finding things in the new testament that state that I'm under grace concerning those areas.

a little can still make a mess

So I'm going to step up from the norm, no verse today. I'm going to share about something I learned at the women's retreat I attended a couple of weeks ago. I was on the team that ran it, I had led to sessions. I had looked at the sessions before it started to pick which ones I wanted to do. When it came time to do the last session, I already knew what was going to happen. We were given a small cup of chocolate syrup, we were told to pour it into our palm. Now some people took the cup and poured all of it and covered their hand with it. I poured a very small amount on my hand in a small little puddle. I tried to be very neat with this. However, I had to sit there and hold my hand in a fashion that would keep the syrup from running all over, soon my little chocolate mess wasn't so little. It hard started to spread. It was also tempting to play with it a little, by moving my hand around and watching it slowly run from one side to the other. If you haven't guessed the syrup was suppose represent sin. The picture I got, wasn't about how much I need grace, and forgiveness, it was how Christians seem to deal with sin after they have been saved. I'm going to control how much "sin" I pour into my hand. It still makes a mess. I'm only going to do this little thing, but after I've got it on my hand, I'm going to play around with it and make the mess a little bigger. I'm also going to hold it in my hand and try and not let anyone see it, but I know it's still there. I'm going to see it for what it is, and try and scrape some it back in the cup, but I still have some left on my hand. As Christian, we need to stop messing with sin, even if we think we can control it. We can't. God is still going to have to clean up the mess. Sitting there with this small puddle of syrup in my hand brought up some of those sins that I carefully poured in my hand, and tried to make only a small puddle with. I have also scraped that small amount of chocolate off my hand, but there's still some left. I am done with that sin, but I haven't really washed my hands since. So what do I do with this picture? Do I continue on?  My hand has been dirty for a few years now. No, in that moment, before I got up and had my hand cleaned off of the real syrup, I addressed it. I was full of guilt and shame in that moment, unaware that I had this small mess in my hands all the time, but once I dealt with, once I got my hands clean, the guilt and shame went away. Maybe now, you need to go and get the chocolate syrup, and put just a small amount in your hand, so those "small" sins you "controlled" and "played" with get cleaned.

You want to what?!? With how much ?1?

Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. John 6:7-11 (NIV)

So is the cup half full or half empty? Honestly which is it? That blessing God just gave you, is it enough or could you use just a little more? Do you have enough to go around again? This story has 3 different perspective in it. Let's take a look at Philip's first. Philip's thoughts on feeding the 5 thousand was not happening. Feeding these many people just isn't a possibility. He might have even thought why bother trying. He is very realistic here, a half year's wage wouldn't even buy everyone a bite. This task is just too big. Have you ever had Philip's outlook? I do. Every time I sit down to write on Esther, I think about all the work it will take and all the skill I lack. I think about how much I struggle with words and how worn out I feel after just writting 2 paragraphs. But then again Philip and I aren't focusing on the right thing, and what makes it worse for Philip is that Jesus is standing right there in front of him. So am I off the hook? I mean Philip can see and touch Jesus, he's even watched him do miracles. I've never physically seen Jesus, I can't be all that wrong cause I can't keep my focus on Him right? Um, not so much. I know how the story ends, Philip didn't at the time.

Now for Andrew's perspective. Well, we got some, but how far will it go? Andrew even points out that what they have is small. How will it be enough? Ever have a small amount and wonder if it will be enough? I've had a small amount of gas in my car and not much money and pay day was a long way off. However, I would still load my car up with kids who needed rides home after Wednesday night church. It didn't matter where in the valley they lived. I took them home. It didn't matter that it took 45 minutes to drive to work. I still did it and hoped that gas would hold out until pay day which was light years away. Andrew is quite aware that gas light should come on any second. Andrew is well aware, what they have and who they have to feed, don't add up very well. No equal sign in this equation. It needs a greater sign and it goes to the number of people and not the stuff to eat.

Now Jesus had the right perspective. He had the people sit down, not looking at the number of people. He took the bread and fish, not caring about the amount. He gave thanks and feed the 5 thousand. He was grateful for what there was and it was enough. It seemed that when I carted children around the city of Phoenix, I had enough gas. I could drive hundreds of miles and the gas gauge needle wouldn't move. Ok, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but you get the picture. Give rides and the gas would last longer. Doesn't make sense, but with God it doesn't have to. Before I sit down to write, I thank God for using me, and the words just come. It isn't a struggle. I'm not worn out when I'm done. It isn't a battle. Be thankful makes things go further or so it seems.

Next time you get a task that is unpleasant and seems impossible, who are going to be Philip, Andrew or Jesus? Jesus was successful, He solved the problem. He handled it; they even had leftovers. God is the business of taking equations that shouldn't work, and making the work with some leftover too.